Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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