Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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