Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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