Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
