He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
