she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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