I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
