He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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