Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
operation have a gay friend backfired
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
