Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Couch. On fire.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
