She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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