so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
