Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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