I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
