hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
