p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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