Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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