You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
