Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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