It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
