Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
