I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
