I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
