I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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