Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
