im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
