Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
