someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize