My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
