i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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