fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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