its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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