It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
