OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
