She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
