Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
