I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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