I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize