He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
