Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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