Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
