he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
