just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
