So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
