So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
