I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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