So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
