I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
