So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
