it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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