I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
