i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
