hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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