he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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