just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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