No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
