I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
