I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
