I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize