and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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