They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
