Christians are straight up FREAKS
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
