dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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