So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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