i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
These tits shall not be calmed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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