Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
