Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
