He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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