Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
