i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
