Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
