so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
