I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
