Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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