I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
