Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
