haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
