You really coming over, don't trick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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