I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize