We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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