Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
