I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
