Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
