Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
