Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
