I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Buhtt sex?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He passed out mid-signature
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize