@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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