Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
