He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
