Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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