He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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