He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
