Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
