My room smells like vodka and shame
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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