tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
