How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
