we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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