My boss' voice literally gives me gas
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
