The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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