Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
