..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
