Plan B is the new Plan A
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
