He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
