I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
