The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
