my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
