Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
