i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They are going to name an STD after you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
