I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
In America we eat man semen.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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