the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize