Tell her she can't have a vagina
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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