Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You dont lie about slip and slides
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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