My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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