Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
