I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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