I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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