drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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